Diary of a 26 y/o girl

This past week I have been pretty sad. And when I am pretty sad, I kinda just lay around and smoke w**d and stare at the wall and do nothing.

The voice in my head kicks in. “Hannah… you know you gotta do something. Figure out what you need to do, and do it.”

So I consult my daybook. Ugh. None of this looks interesting, but I guess I could pick up the kitchen or something. So I do. I make myself do something, I feel a little better, and the day passes.

Yesterday evening I was laying on my new acupressure mat, listening to meditation music, drifting away into fragments of thoughts, dreams, and stillness. It felt amazing, like pure peace. It felt so amazing, in fact, that I didn’t smoke w**d for the rest of the night, because there was no way any high could compare to the natural high I just felt. 

My inner voice got stronger: “You have got to keep taking care of yourself.” So I did. I took a long shower, got a delicious honey pimiento sandwich from ChickFilA, read, vowed to wake up earlier to cook myself breakfast, and went to sleep. As long as I focus on showing up each day, I will be okay. This morning, I got up early and cooked myself breakfast. I will be okay.

When I was in 5^th grade, I wrote my mom an apology letter (that wasn’t very apologetic), and at the end I said this: “I look forward to today, and why? Because it is a NEW BEGINNING! A BIG OL’ CLEAN SLATE!☺I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH! Love, Hannah”

I was right. Today is a new day, a big ol’ clean slate, a chance to start afresh. Here’s to that.

Love, Hannah